Views from a BrewTown Sista (aka The Chronicles of Kayleah H. Madison)

Hey, I had nothing else to do new year's eve. Might as well say something....

This is the last weekend of 2013. As I am writing this, the weather outside is getting back to the chilly scene we had just before Christmas. But the weather isn't what have been a bit concerned about. This morning at church, I was listening to the sermon given by my friend Sara, filling in for the vacationing pastor. She used verses from Mark 6:22-44 as her base of discussion. Her message was about what we (the church) did this calendar year, and what could be done to do more in 2014. It did get me thinking about some of the goals I want to accomplish, and you'd be surprised that one goal I had bragged so much about this year was placed on the back burner. 2013 did teach me a lesson the hard way: pay off your bills/tickets. I wasted three weeks locked up in June because I didn't take care of that damn traffic ticket when I had the chance. So much procrastinating on things has gotten me in my current situation. I'm human. Sue me. We all make dumb choices, don't

So folks, we are only a few days from Christmas and the end of 2013. This will obviously be the last time I'll erect a blog about what kind of year we all had and how it reflected through my eyes. You would have to be quite dumb not to think a lot can happen in only 365 days. I will save you all the grief and pain about how my year has turned out. Just go back and read all of the detailed blogs that were posted and you'll know everything! Should you not be one of those individuals who aren't frequent readers to my simple commentaries, why aren't you? All I do is yak about my life as a would-be transgendered woman, or pursuing that goal. 2013 was no exception. I let my hair out more, routinely paint my nails and attending my church with an occasional splash of makeup on my face. As you can see by the picture here, I am getting better with my makeup as well. Now as for my hair, I am thankful I just happen to have a hot comb at my disposal. This is why I recently

It's nice to know that almost 1,600 people have looked at what I have written on my blogs during the past year and change. All of these blogs have had me chat about everything from my possible future transition into womanhood to old childhood memories. The list keeps growing with no signs of stopping anytime soon. Why should it? You never know what topic or idea will come out of my head! The last few days I have been told by some friends online that I should go ahead and write an actual book about all the adventures I have had over the years.  Seriously, I never thought my life would be THAT interesting to have a potential best seller about my past events. The last thing I'd expect is my autobiography being spotted on the New York Times'  list! Earlier this year, I tried to write up a screenplay-not a book, mind you-on the time I had during the ever-so exciting weekend at Be-All Chicago in 2010. The working title was called  The Sistah's Weekend . It would be an R-ra

Today was the day I had been wondering about how well I would sing Oh Happy Day on the anniversary of my mother's passing 34 years ago. When I was first told about the Sunday I was going to sing it, I told Janel,my music director, not to be surprised if I wore black that day. Of course, I explained why that day was so important to me. Janel understood where I was coming from. My friend Judy told me that this wasn't a coincidence. Maybe she knew a day like this was going to surface one day in my life. I got up this morning at the usual time, around 7:00am. Yes, I knew today was the day that I got the chance to sing in front of the congregation for the third time since joining the church a year ago. So I had planned to rehearse the high notes near the song's conclusion using the downloaded music on my laptop. I'm not a show-off, but since today was also our post-Service Thanksgiving Dinner, I tried to look a bit decent. I did my normal duties of shaving,showering an

November 20,2013                                    Loves Park,IL Dear Mom, This coming Sunday will officially mark 34 years since you left this world. The last time I got to see you alive was at St. Joeseph's Hospital in Milwaukee in 1979. I know that the last thing I would ever say to you would turn out to be something I would regret saying to this very day. I have constantly asked God for forgiveness for my comment. It was in the heat of the moment,and I wasn't crazy about hospitals. Remember, I was only 9 at the time. somehow, I am hoping that this message does get to you, one way or another. Dad did take care of me after you left. I don't think he cared if he motivated me or not. Some days I would be a good kid, some days I'd do something stupid and he'd get angry at me. I will admit that I'm no Rhodes scholar,but I did try to have a little fun here and there while getting my education. Got to go to New Orleans for college. Didn't want to stay

I was out and about getting ready not only for singing "Oh Happy Day" in church this Sunday, but also preparing for Thanksgiving. A memory came to me when I received a text message from the local PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter asking me why don't I dedicate that song to my late mother, who passed 34 years ago this coming Sunday (November 24)? So I thought about it a while. I may do that. However, I was reminded of a moment that rocked my core when I was in my third year at college.  During this month back in 1991, my step-cousin was days away from getting hitched to his girlfriend. I was thrilled for him, even though to this very day I have no plans on doing the same thing. I was also part of a group of students that weekly attended this C.O.G.I.C near downtown New Orleans. I got to meet the pastor and his wife, and they got to know me and the other students that worshiped there as well. That pastor, who these days is now a bishop, looked a bi

Above is the actual recording of the song Oh Happy Day, sung by the Edwin Hawkins Singers. This was made over 40 years ago. What's the importance of this song? I'll make it easy for you...yours truly gets to do my own version of this gospel classic this coming Sunday at Spring Creek United Church of Christ. This will be the church's annual Thanksgiving Dinner, which follows after the service. However, this Sunday will also mark the anniversary of my dear mom's passing. I told the choir director about this, so I will say a few things before I sing it. I have had a few facebook friends tell me not to dwell on the past so much. They're right. I guess when you don't have as many friends to hang out with, old memories linger around a lot.  I spent too much time taking about this in "Thanksgiving Memorium" last year. That's over with. So I am working on a tricky part near the end of the song. No, it won't sound anything like the original record

http://www.youtube.com/v/UKueHjBAI5I?autohide=1&version=3&attribution_tag=dZ3Zh9rFIaAV42zVXmqd9g&autohide=1&autoplay=1&feature=share&showinfo=1

Ok, people. It's not my birthday yet. This coming Saturday (October 26th) will be the official day of me getting a year closer to keeling over. I will admit that I do get a little giddy and go bragging about it on facebook and/or twitter. Don't know why I do that so much! I have already been getting some well-wishers texting me about how to cope with getting older. Remember Pamela,my facebook friend? She says that yours truly "is so preoccupied with age" (her exact words), and that I am still young to do whatever you want to do in my life. This is coming from someone who has a good 10 years on me with a family and a writer herself. Go sue me! I've mentioned repeatedly that my life hasn't been as fruitful as I once dreamed about in my younger years. One blink I am a pre-teened wise-ass who spent A LOT OF TIME in front of the TV, something that routinely pissed my dad off. Few kids were in my neighborhood at that time, so I chatted to myself at lot, too

                                         It’s nearly the middle of my favorite month, October.  This normally means two things to me: Halloween, and of course, my birthday.  I’ll still be a giddy sumbitch when it comes to getting my scare on.  It’s usually more funny when you scare somebody else than the other way around, which has rarely happened.  Last year, I got to attend a Trunk or Treat gathering at my church. This is a safer way to do your trick-or-treating around Halloween.  Kids still get to dress up as who they desire, remaining in the church parking lot so their parents can keep an eye on them. I will admit that I personally never got to do any trick-or-treating when I was a kid. In Milwaukee, trick-or-treating was done solely during the daylight hours of 1:00-4:00pm on the Sunday before Halloween. How conservative they were! But there weren’t that many kids my age in the north side neighborhood where I grew up. Besides, my dad once saw me with a purple wig with golden str

Lets's see. Since my last blog, another season of school has begun, as did football season. Summer 2013 has concluded, and Six Flags Great America is building a record-breaking wooden hybrid coaster to replace Iron Wolf for 2014. The days are getting shorter, the weather's getting cooler. Damn, it's all part of life,isn't it? This does lead to that special day in late October where I basically want to break all the rules for just one day and get wasted...on life, that is. I actually got myself dressed for last Sunday service last week. Also attended the 3rd annual Rockford Pride Walk, which raises funds for Rockford Pride Fest 2014, which I am told will be back in the downtown area for 2014. Here's proof right here, along side my friend Jenin on the left. She goes to church with me.  I had to get a pic with me and this rainbow boa on the right. i thought it was, well, divine!! The weather was nice this past Sunday;just not as many people attending this event than

while I was typing up a blog for last Saturday night, yours truly was asked by my pal gary to roll with him in what turned out to be a day-long escapade.  This of course, meant I wasn’t going to be in church. My apologies. Gary picked me up shortly after 11am and we headed out on the highway out of Rockford. He took the scenic  route 2 along the rock river-something we would cross over a dozen times- to go to the sterling-rock falls area, which is about 55 miles se of Rockford. Since I had traveled in this area before but my first time there in about 6 or 7 years, it was like re-visiting an old friend.   In one of my previous jobs, I was a courier driver that delivered merchandise to various homes; one of those deliveries was in sterling.  Also made a few stops in neighboring rock falls (total population: about 23,000).  Both towns have wal-marts, though the sterling location was open 24-7.  Not sure if it was gary’s first visit here, though. One decade earlier, Mariah met up with

Why should I be nervous?  I was thinking about that after deciding to dress as Kayleah for Sunday service. The congregation at my church has seen me dolled up twice before last year, but I haven’t dressed up for church since. Even my pastor has seen me dressed up. He almost couldn’t recognize me at this year’s Pride Fest! Many of them either didn’t know what to call me or haven’t yet learned to pronounce an easy name to remember (KAY-LEE-AHH!). You’d think after all these Sundays when I have worn some type of makeup on my face they’d understand how different I am. So what if I just happened to be the church’s (as of right now) lone member of African decent who likes to express his femininity from time to time? If I tried doing this at one of the churches I attended in the past, they would basically say a bunch of prayers and such, then eventually ex-communicate me from that church. That’s what happened to me in 1998, when Kayleah was first discovered on a Tuesday night in Milwauke

I have a friend on facebook who is a regular in reading my blogs. Her name is Pamela. She has written a few books to her credit, too. We have been keeping in touch with one another for the last few months about what a lot of my articles have been about: depression and unhappiness. She couldn't have been more right. I can't say that all of these blogs will one day make me a Pulitzer Prize winner. Even though we've only exchanged messages on facebook and have never met one another face to face, she may know more about me than I do. She's seen my pictures both here and on the social network. I think she likes my pictures that I regularly post on fb.  Today, I had a really depressing moment about how my life has been going since the beginning of this millennium. Since the start of 2000, yours truly has worked as a parts washer, caretaker, customer service representative (thrice), a security guard (one of the most lonely jobs on earth), a pizza delivery driver (twice),

One of my facebook friends recently asked me about when will yours truly post another interesting commentary blog. Although I do notice a lot of folks that do read my blogs after they are posted, I still don't have that many loyal followers. One friend from my church got to spend a few days with one of her blog followers last month downstate. Keep in mind they are both in the retirement age, so they are entitled to do whatever they please. They've earned it. I'm getting myself in a typing mood now, playing the soundtrack of the immortal Blues Brothers' Definitive Collection from the late 1970's. God, I miss Jake & Elwood. You know, I've given my facebook friend my phone number so she can call me and shoot the breeze someday. Kinda like an instant time-killer, you know. Something that can keep my spirits afloat while this w-fi- signal continues to go in an out while I type this message on a Tuesday in late summer. When you are waiting for a potential custome

During the first few months of getting to know Rockford in 1999, I noticed a since-closed pharmacy store on East State Street, near St. Anthony's Hospital. Best Buy was a short walk away before they moved further east. The name of that store as escape me over the years, but I did get something over there that I still have to this very day: a stuffed teddy bear. Okay, before you start wondering what's a 42-year-old person like me doing with a teddy bear, it as an important saying on both its sweater and wrist: WWJD? By now, you should all know that means "What Would Jesus Do"? It was a little bit of a craze in the late 1990's to get everybody interested in getting their spiritual thing together, or something like that. There never was a day when I attended church service back home that I didn't see someone with those initials on a pin or something. Those who see me in church would notice a similar pin on my name tag. I've had it for as long as well, 15 yea

Hey, everyone! Has anyone watched that show on The Learning Channel, aka TLC called The Lottery Changed My Life ? This is a show about a few people who wanted to go on cable TV and tell their stories about how their lives have changed since winning a lottery. Keep in mind these people chose to let their lives be told. They could’ve kept to themselves, like many winners do. I have seen people win various amounts of dough, even season tickets to Baltimore Ravens home games FOR LIFE!!! Some of you may remember the story The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. In it the unlikely “winner” was stoned to death by the locals. That person was chosen by an old-fashioned way: by drawing straws. The one with the shortest one was doomed. I got to see a short film in high school based on this story. How dreadful. Like everything else in life, winning something as prestigious as a state lottery will have its price. I have heard about some people to simply blow oodles of dollars in only a few years time

June 22 Solitude after hours has arrived in Cell Block L. I guarantee I will have a field day when I get back home and add this to my blog! Getting used to the new surroundings, yet the mat that goes on top of this metal bunk bed is not making my sleeping habits any better. Having an actual mattress to sleep on is a far cry from what I’ve been laying my head on since coming back here. First that plastic “boat”, now plain flat metal. Each time I try to sleep I ball up the blanket they give me to use as a pillow. Let’s just say it made my back pains a lot worse. Hearing about how the other cellmates made one person’s family history an instant punch line. I did hear he was supposedly related to that Motor City Madman himself, rocker/hunter/political activist Ted Nugent. Well, stupid is what stupid does, right? I had written in a few other blog pages about my time in the big house. This has without a doubt been the longest tenure I have ever had in my life. There were some other p