Conquering Fantasies

I was chatting with a few church members today about something that I have been wanting to do since joining Spring Creek United Church of Christ earlier this summer. The choice of coming in full womanhood attire is entirely up to me. I may have mentioned that I can come dressed either way. At least I know that's a possibility in the near future. Now to choose a date to do it. Pictures will definitely be posted here, facebook and elsewhere. I am still welcome  at SCUCC no matter what. Even to this day I wonder what people will say about how I look, how I speak, walk, all that crap. It's time for me to not be worried about them. Time to be happy of what I see in the mirror. Screw the naysayers that disapprove of my "lifestyle"! Since growing up in the late 1970's I knew I was different. I can definitely pass as a woman. So I'd have a lower voice and walk a little different. What's so different from expressing myself at Rockford Pride in June than attending church at an LGBT-friendly church? Why on earth am I delaying the inevitable? This isn't like wearing a mask of any kind. If I feel like being Kayleah more often, go for it!!!
God, this is nothing like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. I just happen to have a lot more pictures of me as Kayleah than as myself. This isn't an obsession, like that dude who surgically transformed his face into looking like a cat. It's just inside of me. I just enjoy being Kayleah Hutchins-Madison, 'nuff said.  My eldest sister feared for my life because I wore nail polish in grade school; something I do freely these days. Proudly wore foundation, eye shadow & even some flesh-colored lipstick to church earlier this year. They didn't know unless I told them. They were amazed. I have a plentiful supply of makeup that's just sitting in my makeup box. Got to use them. 
Wanted to get my nails done for my birthday, but that won't be the case. How the hell do actual women use the bathroom to wipe with French manicured nails? Still also plan to get some permanent hair extentions to make it appear that I have longer, over-the-shoulder curls. What would I look like with long braids? Couldn't say right now. It's more au natural, I think. 
Ok. You might be reading this and consider that I have some insecurities in my life which has caused me to become slightly effiminate and maybe becoming a full-time transgender. That is mostly NOT the case! I've never had a girlfriend, not because I didn't try. Just wasn't as interested. That doesn't make me gay either, in case you were wondering. Never in my life have I ever been sexually active, wanting to just screw the first woman/TG woman I saw. That is complete bullshit! Sex is overrated and often stereotyped by naysayers as what transgendered people crave more than life itself. This nation is chock full of idiots these days. As a matter of fact, typing all of this has popped an idea in my head as a characteristic for one of the leads in The Sistah's Retreat. Better use that before someone else does.
Was going to watch Treme on HBO. That's why there's something called repeats. Peace out!!!