#HeartacheCanMotivate

I was going to post a current pic of myself on this blog. Seems that I haven't been as photogenic as first thought. (searching through newer pics.) OK, this is from February:

Winter was still a bitch in my area, and I once again whined my ass off about when am I ever going to drive again. Thankfully, this blog is only a step in the right direction. Not only has this made me cope on what I can and can't change about my past and look forward to the future. (whoops! time to make some coffee. well, expresso, actually.) You know I received a call from one of those talent agencies expressing my interest to be in advertising? I am well aware that society is slowly becoming more accepting to transpeople, as long as it doesn't interfere with how and where we relieve ourselves. Our plumbing is nobody's goddamn business but our own! 

I have been seeing too much shit about the LGBT way of life from the conservative religious side of politics. Do they ACTUALLY KNOW someone that is in this group? Chances are good that 99.9% would say no. *NEWS FLASH* people-there's an election coming up next year and there's too many nut cases that want to screw the country through their ways, plus we're fighting against a bunch of terrorist assholes overseas that won't stop for nothing until this once-great country goes down in flames, leaving us with total anarchy, famine and severe greed for the very few that can afford it. Any sci-fi action flick can tell you that! 

Back to blogging about me for a moment. The long, brutal winter is finally giving way to some warmer, longer days. Hell, spring is supposed to start up this week, as a matter of fact (Friday, March 20 at 5:45pm CST). (I don't feel for Boston, who reportedly had the most brutal winter on record,with over 12 FEET of snow accumulated. And they want to host the 2020 Summer Olympics! How nice!) More time to be out in the public eye as a (trans) woman of color. I can go anywhere on a bus and not get clocked by anyone (always good), do my shopping for makeup or clothes without a cross-comment. Don't you think that's all a transperson asks for? Some equal respect from his/her peers. It's still can be an issue in the workplace. Here in Illinois, it is illegal to can a person from a job solely due to being gay, lesbian or transgender. That is a good thing to mention, because I am once again trying to get back into the workforce at my age. I won't hold back about my transitioning. I can bet some prick could stumble on a blog like this and get my so-called real comments and attempt to use that against me when it comes to hiring or firing me for a position. They'll know I won't post anything as stupid as those now-former University of Oklahoma fraternity students who were on that extremely racist chant video about not having anyone of color in their group. I applaud the powers that be for acting so swiftly. Mentioning my abysmal work record since coming here from Milwaukee in 1999 could be a factor, though I doubt that. 

Can you believe that it's almost been ONE CALENDAR YEAR since I made my announcement of my transition? Nearly 17 years to the day when I saw my future staring at me in a mirror at a dominatrix' house in Milwaukee. That's why April will always be special to me. Now, I gotta do SOMETHING to celebrate these anniversaries! Hmmm, I do have this chardonnay here from Judy's memorial service back in January. I've never opened it. She's one of the first people I told about my transition. She's also helped me bring my old boy clothes over to Goodwill. It's always good to have friends to back you up when you make a decision like this. Especially friends from my church. Only the appearance has been changed; my voice is mainly the same, though I do try to alter it a little; my confidence is growing, too. Yet I'm not sure about opening up this booze is something I know Mariah will frown on. CRAP! She just woke up from her slumber. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!! (LOL)

To help me remain confident and straightforward on my journey into my femininity,

I started to (finally) seek some therapy to help me cope with all the disappointments in my past. We as human beings have had more than our share of them, myself included. It's what ya do with them that is supposed to help accelerate your confidence in yourself.  It's also good to know someone from my church just happened to work at the aforementioned therapy center in town. I go back this week. Hopefully, they'll know of a decent hormone doctor that can get me back in the swing of things. Maybe even an eventual new place to call home! What I've been going through over the last four-plus years has taught me more than a few lessons here and there. Mariah's seen me be quite depressed on a few occasions since residing in this motel room. It's one step above homelessness,okay? Being out of work for all this time has an equal effect mentally, physically and definitely on a spiritual level, too. Such a downward-spiraling recipe for future disasters. Shaking off what could've I done to prevent my current status from happening or why I waited until long after my parents kicked away the shit bucket to make such a drastic choice is only part of the process of coping and coming to terms with my life. It's also a way to acknowledge the path that God has set up for me, too. Some sense of humor He has, huh? Yet in a strange way, you learn a hell of a lot more along the journey to your ultimate goal in life. When that path has reached the inevitable climax, there you are, in a moderate state of solitude, celebrating your victory. I pray that there's more than just myself at the finish line. 

Probably by month's end or just prior to the Easter weekend, I should be able to gain some self-confidence with my new teeth. There's nothing that can help that than with a full set of chops to impress a group of folks you've never met before. Finances aside, I told the head honcho of the local small business group here during the winter that I need to make an impression with an actual set of teeth. Who the hell would do business with someone with missing teeth? Jeff Foxworthy? Larry the Cable Guy? Anybody in the backwoods rural South? You get the idea. I DO believe that part about never getting to get a second chance to make a first impression. When I make my appearance to one of their getting- to- know- you gatherings, I want to shake off my past fears about speaking in public and say, " Greetings, everyone. My name is Kayleah Hutchins-Madison, owner/travel associate of Hutchins World Travel of Loves Park, IL. I am proud to be the only African-American owned, LGBT-welcomed home-based online travel service in the greater Rockford area...."   That's something I know too damn well enough to know money can't buy! Let's see that wealthy combed-over headed dope Donald Trump try to buy it sometime! 

I never said anything about typing these blogs on my daily life could help become an inspiration to other transpeople in this world. I read last week that Jazz Jennings, the 14-year old trans teen who has really become an inspiration to the transgendered youth, has become a spokesperson for Clean & Clear skin cleaner. She's alos getting herself some sort of documentary/reality show in the summer,too! We are getting accepted in the limelight, folks. Laverne Cox, Janet Mock and Isis King are just a small handful of people that's gotten their foot in the door.  Don't you think it's time to smash that sucker down for good? Should my words help someone transition and become a positive role model, fine. Feel free to mention me when you accept that Emmy, Golden Globe or Oscar. The best can only get better...as long as you're not getting suckered into a debate on how we take a piss!

So there's story Michigan about how the Planet Fitness franchise cancelled the membership of a woman who blew the whistle about a transwoman using the women's bathroom. She said the subject looked more like a man than a transperson. Planet Fitness wanted none of that, so they eventually 86'd the creep...the whistle-blower, mind you,NOT the transwoman. Interesting. We as transwomen know we won't look anything like Christie Brinkley, Pamela Anderson or Tyra Banks. Don't hate us for some straight men partially getting in touch with out girly side. Now I saw this recently committed transwoman tabloid newshound Zooey Tur basically denounce her fellow sista on TV on what kind of person she is becoming. That's what I call an Auntie Cunt, because this TV creep probably wanted to show just how biased the media has been to our kind by becoming one of us. Only a matter of time until we have a transperson who'll tell it like it is in the media. By the way, somebody should tell Hollywood to stop making us look like a bunch of fuckin' punchlines to bad jokes! Those asscunts just don't know when to quit, do they?