Redefining Realness

( special thanks to Pamela Hayes!)

For sometime now, I have been blogging about my days as I pray that one day I will be blessed to accomplish some long-desired goals of mine.  This week I posted on facebook about the countless days and nights that I have visions about that coveted day when I will be officially known as Kayleah D. Hutchins-Madison, instead of the more masculine-themed name given to me by my now-late father gave me when I was born 43 years ago.  It's not that common for a person my age to consider changing my gender. Hell, I have a friend that's a few years on me and is contemplating on doing the same thing. (we're kinda like sisters!) If you have seen my pictures ( and I DO have plenty!)  over the years and read my blogs, you'd understand that I have enjoyed being my feminine alter ego very much. This coming April will mark Year #16 since this awesome self-discovery made its debut on a Tuesday evening back home in Milwaukee. Keep in mind I've never mastered the makeup technique well enough to compete with any queen on RuPaul's Drag Race, though I can transform myself into something quite attractive. Being an impersonator to Aretha, Tina Turner or Martha Wash was never the goal. Since my discovery of my new eye-catching ego I have gotten to learn a smorgasboard about "switching genders" and those individuals who are prominent in the crusade to bring respectability to the trans community.  Being a full time trans person is no game, I know, and it always has some kind of price attached to it: marriage, family, career, friends, even your life.  My own family rarely talks to me, possibly due to my own nephew ratting me out to her mom, which just happens to be my eldest sister, whose makeup I got to experiment with as a kid. She's never forgiven me for that.  It's just a few stones that has to be followed on the journey to womanhood.

Janet Mock, one of the people that is standing up the rights of trans people everywhere, recently published a book about her own journey to becoming a woman. Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More.  We've seen her to the talk show circuit promoting her book (she's on tour now; check where she is now at (www.janetmock.com ) in front of numerous people, especially with the soon-to-be disposed British talk show host Piers Morgan on CNN. Oh, my, did the tweets fly after the taped February interview with Janet was broadcast just before her book was released! You've probably already seen or heard about the negative feedback toward Morgan. They basically said about the same thing for those hosts (Katie Couric, Jerry Springer, Maury) that are either unaware of what exactly is a trans person and how do they differ from everybody else without pissing them off or basically allowing them to treat trans people about as low or lower than circus sideshow freaks. We all know that's bullshit. 

I won't spill the details of Janet's book in detail, because she spent her heart and soul into this memoir. That means get your own damn copy!! I will say that Redefining Realness should be in your literary collection.  Why? For one thing, don't let the title fool you. The "realness" is not about seeing how well a trans person can blend in with the everyday crowd at the local discotheque or at the local grocery store and not get embarrassed by the constant staring, name calling or possible violent attacks.  It's about simply being free to be who your are and not giving a shit if they say otherwise. Sometimes you have to embrace yourself just to show you still have a pulse in you.  My friend Kenia, who is 62 and a trans person of color herself, told me something similar to this.  No matter how I try to wear my hair, which is almost shoulder-length, what I wear or the makeup that I am wearing, I am still me underneath all of it, she says.  I get called "Ma'am" or "Miss" even when I am makeup-free! Blame the hair. Realness is also when you learn to love yourself. The message is quite crystal, even if you may be a flawed,plus-sized schmuck like myself. Even at 43,  I have been unable to fully embrace that; something so simple to do yet it's like getting me to eat my vegetables or something!

She was uneasy at first to publish her story, let alone come out of her closet in her story in Marie Claire.  When reading her story, I saw she doing so to keep her tale a secret, something we all have done in our past. She mentions in this book about what she did to make the money for her bottom surgery, which she knows wasn't a good thing.  I admit one of the first times I dressed up in daylight was to a local mall...with a male shirt on! Not a good idea. Call them lessons to learn as we get older.  She did some stupid things...one of them nearly was tragic.  We just have to confront them, eat a grain of salt, then shut the hell up and move on!

Janet is blessed to have been such an exceptional student to get a full collegiate scholarship and later a master's degree. Her book is filled with quotations from such literary names as Maya Angelou, Zora Neals Hurston, James Baldwin and more. When she discovered her "realness", it motivated her to become an advocate for trans people's rights.  It's nice to know she is friends with some of them. 

I know that I may lack the affluent literary skills that Janet has showed in this wonderful self-autobiography. She told her story to womanhood in her own words. In my blog, I naturally intend to do the very same thing, although shorter than the 250-plus pages that her book is! There's no telling that I would love not only to pursue my goals in being a full-time TG and an activist for trans rights in my area, but to meet people like Janet, Laverne Cox, Isis King and others talking about our journeys to discovering our own realness.