Middle-aged Frustration

(yawn) I have been having some rough nights sleeping in recent weeks. I have tried to get to bed early Saturday night to get enough sleep before getting ready for church on Sunday morning. I wind up waking up hours before I wanted to and have been dreadfully weary during Sunday service. I may have been busted allegedly snoring while my pastor was doing his sermon. Uh-oh. Not the kind of news I would like to report in recent weeks. If you thought the nearly three weeks being locked up last summer gave me some sleepless nights, meet the sequels of the infinite sadness. 

It's not just the lack of quality sleep that I've been missing that has given me fits about my life. I have been, in a simple word, stuck. Like trying to walk in a foot of Mississippi molasses with all-terrain boots. I have been doing the motel life for the last three years, and I have mentioned on my blogs about the trials and tribulations that I have faced everyday. The conquest never ends. You spend a hell of a lot of time looking at both the concrete walls and the stucco ceiling wondering about when your fortunes will change for the better. And when all you do is spending your days daydreaming a la Walter Mitty wishing your life was scripted much more differently that what it currently is, life can suck 200 times more than anything on Earth. This area I have called home since 1999 has been a bottom-feeder even before I had even heard of this town. Once dubbed the worst place to live in America, Rockford hasn't changed that image much at all. Cheap Trick is from here. So is Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child. Whatever. 

Just yesterday, I took a look at the old area where I previously resided. This used to be a happening area in northwest Rockford. Kmart was still there. So was Blockbuster Video, two major local grocery stores, even a Goodwill, a bowling alley and a Taco John's. Over the years, one by one, they all went by the waste side. They are currently used as, well parking lots. This town has PLENTY of parking lots!! It gave me flashbacks to when I first galavanted around the so-called Forest City. Reminded me of a city of similar size, Jackson,MS. Roads were cracked and need of repair, and like Rockford, many of its citizens were separated by race. No segregation here, mind you, but plenty of headaches. 

My pal Gary and I were enjoying some post-service chow from Mickey D's on this Sunday afternoon. Their seasonal shamrock shakes are a perennial favorite of mine, and I had to have my fill for St. Patrick's Day. Gary was looking forward to meeting his online friend in person later this year in Alburquerque, NM, and asked me for some booking quotes. It seems his future escapade was the last thing on his mind. We both had been a bit impatient about the LGBT relations with our church. I'm at a point where I am not dressing as much. Rockford Pride Fest is taking 2014 off to hopefully re-establish itself in 2015, leaving us with an empty gap. We also have noticed that there aren't any youth at our church, if any. Gary told me that it may be a fact that today's youth, even LGBT, are staying away from the church in droves.  Only God knows why we're some of the "younger" members, though we're both 43. So what can we do to have some type of LGBT celebration in June? Yes, I am well aware of same-sex marriages officially starting up as of June 1. We may make a visit to Brew Town for their Pride Fest. Chicago Pride Walk is definitely an option. My church may be Open and Aware, it seems with the congregation aged 45-plus and up, they don't have a connection with our youth and, say Gary and I could. 

Of course, there's also my online travel business, Hutchins World Travel (www.hutchinsworldtravel.com). So I gave it a new look for this calendar year. Means little when you don't have the funds to do some kind of advertising. I can't quit now, even when I am in a financial, emotional hole like I am right now. Remember last Friday's blog about procrastinating on the main things? You can say that I am learning from those lessons. No wonder I can't get any decent sleep!!