Breaking the Shell of the Coccon

Don’t let this classic photo of mine fool you into thinking my hair has fully grown back to it 2013 length, as depicted here...or was it 2012? I digress. 

I can say that I DO miss having my hair like this. I do agree now that I did apply too much makeup here, but try to remember this was back when I was still living in a motel room earlier this decade. Then again, I could’ve used a look like this for last summer’s Forest City Pageant! Hey, you never know what could’ve happen had I played with makeup more often during my slumber at the Clayton House Motel. 

Some of my trans sisters have written autobiographies about their lives, from their beginnings to when they discovered they were different, to when they eventually made the transition to whom they are now. Writers like Janet Mock, Dahlia Husu, and Pamela Hayes have paved the way before me. I started writing Cocoon2Butterfly almost three years ago, and eventually lost the interest to type my story. How should I construct my story? Should I omit an important detail? Would it be wise to use my given name in the flashbacks? So many questions convoluted my head over the years, leaving my bombarded, disenchanted, and flummoxed. During a recent long-distance chat, Darlene, one of my eldest trans sisters, advised me that I should resurrect my autobiography, since I have been openly trans for over 20 years now. As before, I had wanted to concentrate my source from the countless blogs I have posted over the last 7-8 years...and there have bee a lot of them! I don’t care if this gets turned into an independent movie starring XYZ. It’s my story to tell to the world; I’m just not sure how to keep the momentum during the dark periods of my life.    

We’re nearly a month away from attending the BTAC in Dallas, and my excitement and curiosity is starting to rise. I constantly have to remind myself that I still have a job to do driving a taxi all about Rockford. I am thankful for being a safe driver with SpeeDee Transportation/Quick Trip during the now-three years that I’ve been working there. Just STAY AWAKE during the wee hours!! Yes, if you were guessing, I have had my share of guys wanting to get to know me better away from the cab. One of them has recently starting to become a bit relentless. From what I’ve seen, he looks like a roughneck SOB, and you can guess he’d love to get into my panties! This, my sistahs, is where the $1 million question will have to surface: How will he feel about dating a trans woman? His answer could wind up costing me more than my job, folks, and I refuse being on the annual list of trans people killed for the stupidest things. Am I, a 48-year old plus-sized trans girl of color, ever going to find true love? Well, Precious Brady-Davis sure did. (She and her hubby are both trans, you see.) I won’t hold my breath until it happens. I’ll just concentrate on being the person I am instead. 

On a lighter note, the winter days are coming to an end, and not a moment too soon. St. Patrick’s Day is this weekend, and the NCAA Tournament pairings come out Sunday. What a time to be a basketball fan! Even my high school alma mater, Milwaukee Washington, made it back to state. I might not find out how they did until afterwards, but the almighty Purgolders will always have my back. There’s also some local flavor here. Rockford East High’s boys’ basketball team has made it to state for the first time in over 40 years. I’ve been listening to their last several games, and the announcers are quite excited. Interesting twist here: East High calls their team the E-Rabs, which is Red-And-Black. Washington High Purgolders came from a similar concept, purple & gold together! Best wishes to both. 

While Mariah is singing off-key to some Brittany Spears via YouTube, here I am, blogging away on this iPad while simultaneously watching V for Vendetta with this a picture-in-picture feature! The tablet I had gotten prior to this iPad? Sent it back. It really was a slow piece of shit. I did, however, order a case with a wireless keyboard for the iPad. Love this!!! There’s going to be a host of time to add to my increased blog encyclopedia on the train. 

One the first night of the BTAC, there is an interfaith service at the hotel. I have been instructed to wear all white for this. WHY? I’m currently scrambling on both Amazon and eBay looking for the more proper white outfit. So far, I’m not seeing anything about just what kind of workshops will be held there. I do hope and pray that this can quite possibly change my outlook on my life, yet I’m tired of my pessimism getting the best of me. The road to Dallas continues....

Oh, yeah. I can’t end this blog without being overjoyed after hearing my beloved Milwaukee being awarded the 2020 Democratic National Convention. Now I REALLY want to come home for this!  20 years earlier,  I had an opportunity to be a Wisconsin delegate to attend the 1996 DNC in Chicago, where Bill Clinton got the nomination and eventually defeated Bob Dole for the presidency...just months before my Packers won Super Bowl XXXI. Now, I’m wanting to be a delegate from Illinois so I can not only select a candidate that can knock our Drumpf out of the White House, but get a look inside Fiserv Forum, the Bucks’ new home, which I have only seen from the outside...and it looks AWESOME!! Now that Wisconsin once again has a Democratic governor, I do pray that he and Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett can bring jobs, diversity, and, most importantly, a way to cease the long-standing segregation my hometown has always had. It doesn’t mean I’d relocate back after 20 years in Rockford, but BrewTown will always be home.