Getting Ahead of Myself

This selfie pic was taken this morning as I did my monthly shopping spree. Sure, I don't at all about being whom I want to be. Just feeling relaxed as my transgendered self. I do know that I have to be patient in what I would like to accomplish down the road. I had planned to resume going on hormones as early as last month, but more important things had to get taken care of first, like rent at this dump, minutes for my cell phone, and obtaining the everyday health & beauty needs. Welcome to life, everyone! I know it's for the best for me to put a few things on hold in order for things to be ready. Summer is already in it's last full month, and the kids will be heading back to school in a few weeks here. Tell me time doesn't fly!

I am guessing God still has a plan for me as my new self. But first, I have to be responsible for whatever debt I did have in the past. I found out that I could have about $84,000 of my college loans forgiven when I can make the first few payments of around $100 a month. Ouch! Since I am in a bummed mood about not having the resources to have my business to flourish, I am still stuck. Not like all I do all day is practice applying my makeup or working on a more permanent hairstyle to have everyday people believe I actually am a genetic woman.  My voice isn't in a falsetto-themed pitch, a relief to my vocal chords. However, I do work on my voice when I am about. Sounds alright to my ears. May have to listen to this the next time I do another video. 

Every transwoman is different. We will all walk a little different, talk a little different, and have our own stories on how we got to this decision to either accept ourselves as women-in-training or just in the part-time status. Lord knows I am not the first plus-sized transwoman of color, and definitely not the last. I don't mind ratting my ass out on these blogs about my journey into choosing to live as a woman. I hope that YOU actually enjoy my commentaries, too. Maybe I am a bit hesitant on things. I really had no timetable when to resume the hormone shots or when to hopefully change my name legally. What did I say shortly following my first Trunk or Treat '12 (which fell on my birthday, mind you) at my church? Oh yeah, I had hoped to be financially set, spiritually filled, and physically ready by age 45 if I wanted to make the full transition.  Hell, I guess I couldn't wait any longer! 

Going shopping while being dressed is no longer a nervous situation for me. It helps to belong to a church who has accepted my new self as well. Mind you, I either drove myself or got a ride to my destinations. The true challenge, as I have mentioned, is actually using public transportation while in femme. This is where I have heard so many stories about other transwomen of color getting attacked for no reason. Some met a tragic end. Yes, many of them happened in cities on the East Coast like D.C. and New York. Here in the Midwest, I have never been threatened on the local bus system, even while wearing visible earrings, makeup and nail polish. One local bus driver had to correct a passenger, who called me "Miss" strictly due to my puffy hair! Eh, it happens. While in Chicago for the Pride Parade in June, me and my friends from church took trains all over the place. No problem whatsoever. Just a caramel-colored plus-sized woman with curly hair and a blue dress enjoying the ride above and under the Windy City streets.  

Chicago may have a wonderful diversity when it comes to LGBT activities and services, then you reside in the city of Rockford, who only has had two community-supported festivals in its history. All there was this year was a pride picnic, which I wasn't sure of how many people would attend. This is the regular here. Just not that supportive on the big front. This could've been a college town, had its forefathers said yes to having the eventual Northern Illinois University here instead of going to DeKalb, 45 minutes away. I first came here in 1999, when this town had Diversity of Rockford. Bi-monthly sessions were downtown, within walking distance to The Office Niteclub. That soon gave way to Spectrum of Rockford, which is mainly a pay-per-session business in suburban Loves Park. Such a bore!!! You rarely hear or see them at an LGBT function. If this was Milwaukee or Madison, you'd have a much different story...and VERY supportive!!

Lastly, I wanted to tell you that the annual Miss Gay Forest City was long, baby! The new winner is from back home in Brew Town, named Reshida Valentino-Frantz. She did a church-themed talent that did win me over. Did I forget to mention I was one of the five pageant judges?  There were only three contestants, as was two years earlier. Two of them w

ere still new to the performing genre. At least when I did my time on stage a decade earlier I knew when to become the person instead of the performer. So much time AND money on this shit. I almost didn't get a ride home! The 2nd alternate from Madison, Christian Waters (who ran last year minus an "s" at the end of her name), gave me a lift. Michelle finally called me about 2:45am, an hour after bar time, asking me where I was. She did thank me for doing a nice job as a judge. I will say that either my ass is getting old or the music from the speakers was so loud the ringing could still be felt hours later! I uploaded the pics from my still-reliable digital camera and came up with these beauties:

It was a decent pageant overall. Gina De'Liscious (above) might kill me for posting this pic of her! Resheda is in the blue gown, with crown being applied. I did make a few new friends that night.