Pride Fest Reflections & Expectations

Apologies to Rockford Pride Fest for using their logo for this blog, but I wanted to use this to show just how excited I am that this is in its second year of reality. Last year's inaugural Pride Fest took place in downtown Rockford at Davis Park. It was a bit warm that day; it was summer, after all, and it basically was a success. If I only had some wheels I would've stayed for the Miss Gay Pride Fest Pageant in its entirety. For this year's installment, the event will be two days long, including a camping site for those who want to sleep under the stars. That is, until I found out the location won't be in the same place as last year. It's at something called Vasa Park, which is located well on Rockford's southern city limits.   I had never heard of the place in all the years I have called this place home. Vasa Park is just west of I-39 and Blackhawk Road. Sheesh. Good luck finding the place if you don't have a map. 

I'm not trying in anyway to insult or embarrass the folks behind this long-overdue festival. I do know the president, Ron Alamanza, from several Pride Fest fund raisers in the past. Even met his husband. Nice folks.  This is one of the things I have yearned for to happen in this town. Of course, I could always ask why did it take so long for something like this to occur in this place. Aside from all of the bad press this town has gotten over the years (Money Magazine's "Worst Place to Live in America" ring a bell?), you would think this place would have something to celebrate the LGBT community. Alas, despite a strong following, nothing was here. If anyone in Rockford wanted to attend a festival of its kind, they would've hit the road to Chicago's Gay Parade during the last weekend in June. Or, in my opinion, head up to Milwaukee's annual Pride Fest, now in its 26th year! (By the way, did you know they have the only volunteer-based LGBT festival in the country?)

I got to experience this first hand in the summer of 1998, the year I discovered my feminine side that resulted in what you now know as Kayleah Hutchins-Madison. Went all three days. Spent that opening Friday doing security around the Summerfest Grounds...in a pink hat, no less! (seriously!) On Saturday, I made the choice to publicly express my femininity by dressing as Kayleah for the first time in broad daylight. I changed my attire, including the makeup, at the location, since I couldn't do this at my dad's house and I didn't know any gay-friendly folks that lived close to me. Yes, I did notice someone make comments about me as I was applying my makeup, but I wasn't going to let some naysayer get me upset. For the rest of that day I got to sell Milwaukee Pride Fest gear to the customers near the Miller Oasis, which is actually a stage for some musical acts to perform. Dressed up the way I was  for the remainder of that night, I felt like $1 million bucks. So relaxed, so accepted.  The acts that did perform were quite good, including a female musical duo (one played keyboards, the other drums) and an all-male a cappella quartet  dressed in leather vests and shorts.  Around 10pm, there were fireworks over Lake Michigan. Not a cloud in the sky.  Sunday was the final day of the festival, and like the day before, I dressed up there. This time, I was at the information booth, greeting festival-goers and passing out LGBT info. It was there that I met a friend who did help me with some makeup and dressing tips. By the time 10:00pm came around, it was over. I had to sneak back home and wash off my warpaint before my dad caught me. That is another story of itself.

Fast forward to last year, where almost nothing was going to stop me from being among the first to attend Rockford's first-ever Pride Fest. As you can plainly see by this pic, I was a happy girl. Though I spent most of this time volunteering with my then-new church, Spring Creek United Church of Christ, I did get to walk about and mingle with the crowd. It may have been larger had the Pride Fest people knew it coincided with Milwaukee Pride Fest's 25th anniversary...and by seeing the pics, it was HUGE!!! Looking back at it now, I know that I have some issues with being a bit shy in front of people. Even my new church friends didn't know what to call me when I was dressed, because at that time they probably didn't know that I did so. I could have introduced myself to other patrons and pass out one of my business cards to show that my travel business supports the LGBT community here in the greater Rockford area. I also know that I did spent a good part of that momentous day alone by the Rock River. There's your Proverbs 18:24 sign right there. I sat in the Spring Creek booth for a spell, too. Seeing our community get closer with one another, despite the differences,and I'm sitting on my ass like a Poindexter at a school dance. 

When this year's festivities commence on the first weekend in June, I don't wish to be reminded of what I could've done one year earlier to make those memories better. Sure, chances are good I'll be dressed to support being a "T", but I don't want to feel lonely simultaneously. This town might not have as many TGs of color as Chicago or back home in Milwaukee, but I try to manage. Also, I mustn't have butterflies in my stomach when I try to introduce myself to the patrons. Regardless which side of me they see they'll eventually know the other half sooner or later. I'm so looking forward to actually passing out a host of business cards and hopefully have a few clients to launch an email campaign now and then. For 15 years now, I have seen myself as a fine-looking, plus-sized woman. So I have had to put this aside to work on other things that were more important. Kayleah has never left me, and I feel I should never forget that as I get older. These are steps in order to try to keep myself happy in dire times. I hate being my own worst critic. Sometimes I mute my own YouTube videos just to see what I could improve. I shouldn't care if a family member sees me this way and squeals about it to the whole family. It's me...it'll always be me...and I pray that nothing gets in my way of believing I can do anything that God allows me to do! Here's your sign from Philippians 4:13!