The Balcony STILL Ain't Closed

Whenever that time comes when I get called home, will it be while I'm sleeping, driving, eating...making whoopee? No one ever talks about what it will be like to die. That's TOO scary for me!! I don't know. I mean, what can you take with you into the afterlife? Nevermind that crap about lost secrets that were taken to the grave. Just because Roger Ebert blogged that wasn't afraid of death will not mean I won't be scared stiff! What would happen if I did get reincarnated? Yeah, right. That was a synopsis in a Blake Edwards flick Switch. That's where a womanizer gets played by his girlfriends, gets shot and killed, then gets eventually reborn as Ellen Barkin.  Kind of a joint venture between God and the Devil himself.   But he had that consequence coming with all that philanthroping with those ladies. Having God re-create him as a woman was the last thing on his mind. Could i have that chance? Pretty sure He'd say no. 

I'm not ready to go when He comes-a-calling. Should He want me to stick around when the new apocalypse arises, that's fine. Then again, Jay Leno might want my spot back...again! (couldn't resist that pun) This world as we know it will run out of ideas, just like R.E.M.s It's The End of The World As We Know It. You can only get so much of Gangham Style, am I right, people? Could you really live with that? Of course you could, if you lost your damn mind listening to a song like that. Seriously, how many more zombies does the place really need than Justin Beiber or those corpses on The Walking Dead? 

In the movie Pump up the Volume, Christian Slater yakked about what it would be like to be in heaven. He called it "boring...just sitting on a cloud all day". Since Hollywood loves to "imagine" in their pictures of what Heaven or Hell really looks like (word has it "hell" looks a lot like Cleveland. No wonder Lebron James left! Then again, Chicago looks pretty bad too). So what does Heaven actually look like? Got me! Is it just a bunch of clouds in the sky where Hercules' parents call home? And is Hell solely identical to the Holocaust during World War II? Who knows. I don't think I want to know the answer to that equation. It's not coming up on Jeopardy any time soon, so relax on that.   

Look at me. I was going to spend a little time chatting about an anniversary and I wind up chatting about a commentary from the now-late film critic Roger Ebert.  At least  I am thankful to have a blogging site where I can leash out my critique of vindicating fufillment on the unknowing public. You are reading this, and by so doing, you have become a follower of my chat-worthy notations. These days it's better to have a blog site than to do it the old-fashioned way using a diary. What I write is open season for all eyes. Just some PG-13-rated conversation. 

The life Ebert had until yesterday was more than just being an everyday Chicago-based movie critic. He has seen more movies in his lifetime than I have seen over the years with my own eyes. So he loved and hated a share of movies that people will disagree with. That was his job. I was a longtime fan of Siskel & Ebert with his colleague, Chicago film critic Gene Siskel.  He inspired Oprah Winfrey to syndicate her talk show. Look what happened there. I would love to see the Cannes Film Festival like he did. That's where he supposedly commented on a little known film from the early 80's called Chariots of Fire. That film would eventually win Best Picture in 1982.  It just feels like he got to do everything he wanted in his life. Cancer shortened it, sadly. He looked so different with that prosthetic jaw. Maybe it's right to ask God to get called home. He wouldn't have to suffer having that disease anymore. 

I am going to apologize right here for gallivanting about being gloom and doom about a subject like death only a few weeks into spring. Yes, this is a part of life, and at age 42 I am still hoping and praying I am able to enjoy mine while I still can in this day and age. Not having that many friends as a luxury since graduating from college nearly 17 years ago has taken a toll on my social life. You remember my blog about chatting with my pastor over lunch one day? That was a rare occurance! 10 years ago, Mariah (my roommate for 14 years) and I went out frequently, and we always had friends come over to our apartment. I felt good about life. Being gainfully employed with my own ride didn't hurt, either! Then, life throws a few monkey wrenches in your system, and everything gets whacked out of proportion. So it all comes full circle. We're trying to pick up the pieces from the mess we were in a few years ago, and the quest has dragged its ugly head like RuPaul at a GWAR concert. It's not pretty. So, I once again extend my sincere condolences to the family of Roger Ebert. He will ALWAYS gets TWO THUMBS UP from me. 

Singer Yolanda Adams said it best: The Battle is Not Yours. I took a few moments to listen to the song and its message. I just had so much to vent about recently; the last few years were so hard to fathom a decade ago. Here's where I am praying something will happen,and it goes like this:

Dearest Lord, I took some time out from this afternoon to just comment on an article I read. Roger Ebert's blog about not being afraid of death just got to me in a way that I expressed my comments in my own blog in an unorthodox way that may or may not show how much You DO mean to me.  Should this blog offend you, I am sorry. I do ask in Your name that You can help Mariah and I remember the good times over the years, even when the current situation seems bleak at times. We ask that we can once again have our own apartment like we did a decade ago, so that our friends can come by and say hello to us and our cats. We ask that I can once again have my own reliable vehicle to get myself around Rockford.  I also ask and pray for my friends, not just the ones I physically conversate with at Spring Creek UCC in Rockford, but those on facebook that only know me by my pictures and commentary. I ask that when the time comes when You call me home, prepare me, my family and friends for the homecoming. I don't want to be scared. I pray for my home-based travel business for positive exposure and future customers. Pray for our health, our minds, our bodies. May we be able to use them as long as we can. Please do not let us dwell in our past failures, Lord. Help us to focus on our goals throughout the good days and bad days. Please help me how to learn to love myself, regardless of how or what I look like. For I am forever a child of God.   In Jesus's name... Amen.

Now, I just have to believe it.