Only In My Mind....

 



As the journey towards my golden years continue, I know that I mustn't get to caught up with past memories, good or bad, and be thankful for what knowledge that I currently have and use it for inspiring those generations that will fill my shoes once I take my final nap. I'm still learning about that factor in my life. Also, knowing myself and my comfort zones, I'll have no idea how to face something irregular or sudden. So, I digress while typing this blog in my birthday suit, enjoying some breakfast while the winter air thankfully stays outside.  Last night, I was reacquainted with a friend that reminded me that I can still have some fun while once again preventing any signs of premature sheer aging...by letting my voice out.

Here's the deal: Last year, during my first Black Transgender Advocacy Conference (BTAC) in Dallas, I mentioned to some individuals about little travel business here in Rockford, when my aforementioned whereabouts caught the ear someone passing by. It turns out that it was a woman named Emily Koch, who basically has a home near me in the town of Crystal Lake (about an hour or so west of Rockford), yet mainly works on the East Coast near Philadelphia. She was there because of her gender/non-comforming offspring Laine, who asked her to speak at BTAC. Emily caught me off guard by telling me she's also a hockey fan, which an be rare for a woman of color to like a violent, white male-dominated sport like hockey. So be it. Anyhoo, she tells me that when she's back in my area, we'd check out an Icehogs game. I said cool, in a nutshell. 

Let me inform you of something here: the Rockford IceHogs have been the area's local hockey team about as long as I've called this town my home (20 years as of this blog). They are currently the top affiliate of the NHL's Chicago Blackhawks, one of the Original Six (Red Wings, Rangers, Bruins, Maple Leafs & Canadiens are the others) professional hockey franchises that have been around the longest. They do have a loyal fan base here, and about a decade ago altered the seating of the BMO Harris Centre (current capacity: around 7,000) to add reserved seating & a concession stand. Last night was just the second time I got to watch an event in that place. The other, you ask? About 10 years earlier, watching one of my favorite acts...Jeff Dunham. Yes, the ventriloquist with the dolls. Been following him & his rise to stardom for over 30 years now. Let's see YOU try to throw your voice! 

Back to reality and this story. Emily (left) picked me up last night (mariah was coming back from doing the laundry...and lost her key to the house, so I had to let her use mine), and away to the BMO we went. I had asked her how they (Laine) was doing, since I only at times see them on Facebook. Seems that we both have something in common: We both live in towns where we are both inadvertently feeling like we're the only ones like us there, and it REALLY gets us down. Yet simultaneously, we are making a stand as Black trans/gender non-conforming individuals residing in smaller communities than what you'd would normally expect in the more urban dwellings in cities like Chicago, Dallas, D.C., etc. Lord knows I've called up TransLifeline a few times just for a friend to talk to on some really lonely nights while driving my cab, hoping for a solution to dry up my tears of sadness and despair. Emily has told me they have called her up for the same reasons. Wow. 

So, Emily is using the GPS in her SUV to locate the BMO Harris Centre, though she could've just asked me, a cabbie, for directions. Oh well, it was my night off from driving and I didn't want to ruin it for her. It was a chilly Wednesday night, but it’s winter in the Midwest. It’s SUPPOSED TO BE COLD!! Anyway, she pre-ordered the tix, so all she had to do was go to the box office and get them. I had mentioned about seeing an announcement about a show entirely about Prince & his music. Anybody who doesn’t like His Royal Badness is a damn loser! She told me that she got to actually meet the members of the Revolution and even took a photo with Prince’s old band. She showed the pic to me, and I thought that was SO COOL! Hey, she got out a lot more than I did. 


We had some time before the game started, so we took a stroll around the arena and glanced at some of the scrumptious delicacies scattered about, mainly the BBQ pit closest to our seats. Of course, there was a lot more there to offer than just simply popcorn. That’s when we ran into the IceHogs’ mascot, Hamilton E. Hog, “Hammy” for short.  We did take a few pics with the massive red swine, and I joked to him if he’d stayed away from any slaughterhouses. He did. I highly respect anyone who has to don one of those costumes for games or for public appearances. They deal with overbearing kids who won't shut up, stopping everytime someone wants to take a photo with you, and walking around in a humid costume...something I knew about during my high school days. Might not be good year 'round, but it's warm as hell to keep you warn on any chilly night!

Stopping by the gift shop, we got to browse the IceHogs goodies, mostly familiar shit ( hoodies, t-shirts, etc), but hey we’re at a hockey game. I was going to get something else...a hockey puck!! Also got a cowbell to ring as well.  Oh yeah, I rang that cowbell, baby!! We did get some grub at the BBQ stand...which was...eh, average. But what the hell. Be glad I didn’t drink any beer while at the game! This is where I actually stopped being concerned about the everyday life, and had some fun, for once. 

One thing I can say is that some of my traits from my former male self have obviously moved my now-feminine side, and it does come with a vengeance. During the game, I reminded myself of how blessed I was that I don’t smoke. I yelled a few pig calls loud enough to be hear EVERYWHERE in the arena. SOOOEEYYYYYY!!!! SOOEYYYY!!! Even the folks behind us couldn’t believe that was coming from yours truly. Just for good measure, since the IceHogs were playing the Manitoba Moose, I threw back a call of the GREAT WHITE NORTH, aka Bob & Doug MacKenzie from SCTV fame. Then, I did add a reference to the classic hockey movie Slap Shot w/Paul Newman, “Ogie Oglithorpe says hello!” Some hockey fans still don’t get it!

Emily and I shared a host of photos of ourselves via past pics on Instagram and other social media. Now, keep in mind she told me that she's not brave enough to try different hair styles. Oh yeah? Then I showed her all the pics of me with so many hairstyles from multiple wigs, braids and sewn-in weaves. I had her beat! She showed me her family, including Lain. Nice that they all get along so well. 

Rockford won the game going away 4-1. Had I wanted to, I'd use my ticket stub and get another ticket to the IceHogs' next game...Tuesday vs. my hometown Milwaukee Admirals (who at the time I write this, have the best record in the AHL. GO ADMIRALS!!). But, I gotta work that night, and I have to save up for my trip to Dallas for BTAC '20 in May. The music playing was some more recent, club-bouncing stuff on today's radio stations. If you know me well enough, the main genre of music played when I'm driving is...classic rock. Any brand of hip-hop with those drum-machine infused beats have been an immediate turnoff for me. Should I get into someone's ride and some rapper with no real rapping talent with an autotuned voice, I'll shut up. However, you ask me to turn to a station that plays that, I'll refuse, 'cause I grew up when music was music by people who played real instruments. 

Got ahead of myself here. Emily was nice enough to drive me home, then back to Crystal Lake. She said not to worry about tturning the big 5-0 (she's 48), just have fun while you still can. Lord knws I've been seeing some kind of dark circles around my eyes for sometime now, leaving me forced to wear foundation over it.  So, will I go to another minor-league hockey game in the future? Perhaps. 

I'll let you guys know that there might not be a concrete message to follow in this blog here. I know that I can't stay in the past while the future continues to move forward. It took me about four days to get this all together, so to you, I hope this was worth it. God's thankfully not through with me, and I hope that He can inspire me to His will as trans mentor, or something. 

Oh yeah.....STOP DREAMING!


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