The Moment of Truth, 370-ish days in the Making (My Time Competing in the Forest City Pageant), Part 2
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| From left, Farrah, Ryan Royale, me, and Jade Lemonade in the evening gown competition of the Forest City Pageant. |
I should mention I kinda felt a bit overwhelmed backstage, with all the performers and contestants seemingly not missing a funky beat. As the chaos of the bright stage lights continued, I wondered what were the other performers doing. Each of them with custom-made outifts to fit their respective bodies more perfect than a case of golden-ribbed Trojans. I guess I played it on the less-expensive side when it came to my outfits, thanks to eBay and a few good resale shops. Makeup, on the other hand, was probably the one major thing I overstocked up on. Out of all the materials collected for the Forest City Pageant, my makeup was beyond a doubt a necessity. Lips glosses/lipsticks, eyeshadows, brushes, eyelashes, bobby pins, barretts, hair spray, earrings, etc. Not counting the outfits, of course!
Allow me to flashback a ways before you guys started reading part 1. Hours before the sights and sounds of multi-colored spotlights and ear-shattering speakers, the contestants all got together to get a walk-through presentation of how the pageant is going to be run. We all signed a contract agreeing to be a part of such-and-such productions to the winner, first and 2nd alternate. They make the show, we must come perform benefit show. Standard contract bullshit. Ask your lawyer friends. Then, it was a getting-to-know-you introduction thingy. Five minutes tops. Upon my turn introducing myself to everyone, I had first mentioned about being asked to run by my long-time friend/sister/promoter. Knew her over 19 years since moving to Rockford, so we go back a ways. Mentioned that I was celebrating 20 years as an openly trans person and performing in this event for the first time in 20 years....blah, blah,blah.
We each got a little bag of goodies...lipstick, lip-liner, mini brushes, and some gummy candy. Written on the bottom of the box with the lipstick was a number from 1-4. this would determine who would go first in the lineup. I got #4, meaning I was going last. Hold-up! Ferrah, who had gotten #2, requested to trade down to 4. I was just glad being there, I guess, so we swaped numbers, meaning yours truly was going second, behind Jade Lemonade. When she's done, I had to be ready. Ryan Royale, from Chicago, was third, then Farrah batting cleanup. OK. Lineup's all ready to go!
The four of us were sitting downstairs at the bar, hearing a baseball game in the distance, waiting for our turn for their respective individual interviews, something that's done hours before the show begins. It's mainly like a getting-to-know-you bit from the judges, who will be looking for anything positive and negative about us when we speak. My turn comes up, I shake the hands of the three-member panel (...YES!!! Remember, folks...I have proudly judged this pageant TWICE, so this time it was I that had to answer the questions!), sat down, and got down to business. I'm asked who I am, where I'm from, and, the most important question: "Why am I running for Miss Forest City?" My answer: self-inspiration. After 20 years since being in a pageant things don't always go your way. Not to mention, everytime I see a performer on stage, such as Brittany Page-Daniels, Cass Marie Domino, Katrina Knight, Sabrina DeLite, Gina De'Licious and a host of others, I think to myself, "I can do that". 15 years away from the stage made me miss this so much, causing a voice inside my head screaming, "What the hell took you so long?!" In the end, I thought the interview went pretty well, in my opinion. Had I only concentrated on that question instead of giving a mini-series on how my life has been shitty this decade.
After each candidate had their interview session, we all got the ok to split for a few hours, but to check-in between 8:30-9:00. Good. Time to go back home and relax for a spell and get my things together. Maybe go through the words of my talent again...enjoy the calmness and quiet before the storm inside The Office. Get some duct tape and Saran Wrap for a DIY bodysuit. I started worrying about my tg sister Juanita, who was coming in from out of town to catch my show. Check on my friends who I had bought tickets for if they were still coming. Then, like dominoes, one by one some people had pulled out at the last minute with no reason why. One person couldn't find a baby sitter. Uh-oh. Another turned out being a no-show. Shit! Another couldn't get off work unilt long after the pageant started. NO!!!! I had bought a total of six tickets for my friends, and only TWO people actually came with me. Juanita's ticket was reserved in advance--I wrote her name on the back so she could get in.
8:45 pm. The backstage at The Office actually resembles an ER of sorts. Each peformer was getting themselves prepared for a Saturday Night extravaganza. A puff of powder here, a stroke of eyeshadow there; the ever-so presence of eyeliner and mascara: the war paint (!) on our faces had been applied with extreme grace and a bit of hurried excess. Hey, we're performing under bright lights, people! This is why we use a shitload of makeup on our faces to define our looks. Some of us get painted ahead of all this madness either to hang out, help out...or to just be fabulous. And there I was, all alone in a forest of drag show wilderness. Might as well try to make the best of all this shit.
After each candidate had their interview session, we all got the ok to split for a few hours, but to check-in between 8:30-9:00. Good. Time to go back home and relax for a spell and get my things together. Maybe go through the words of my talent again...enjoy the calmness and quiet before the storm inside The Office. Get some duct tape and Saran Wrap for a DIY bodysuit. I started worrying about my tg sister Juanita, who was coming in from out of town to catch my show. Check on my friends who I had bought tickets for if they were still coming. Then, like dominoes, one by one some people had pulled out at the last minute with no reason why. One person couldn't find a baby sitter. Uh-oh. Another turned out being a no-show. Shit! Another couldn't get off work unilt long after the pageant started. NO!!!! I had bought a total of six tickets for my friends, and only TWO people actually came with me. Juanita's ticket was reserved in advance--I wrote her name on the back so she could get in.
8:45 pm. The backstage at The Office actually resembles an ER of sorts. Each peformer was getting themselves prepared for a Saturday Night extravaganza. A puff of powder here, a stroke of eyeshadow there; the ever-so presence of eyeliner and mascara: the war paint (!) on our faces had been applied with extreme grace and a bit of hurried excess. Hey, we're performing under bright lights, people! This is why we use a shitload of makeup on our faces to define our looks. Some of us get painted ahead of all this madness either to hang out, help out...or to just be fabulous. And there I was, all alone in a forest of drag show wilderness. Might as well try to make the best of all this shit.
Now that you're caught up, I'm picking up my story where I left off. So, I was sitting by a fan, some 20 minutes after doing my inspired talent, shucking down some COLD H20, wondering just what the hell were we going to do next? I was still in the purple talent outfit, not minding a care in the world. All four of us did our thing. Do we pack this shit up? (Momentary effect.) Well, the judges had done their thing, so a few of them did a performance themseleves. The call was made soon afterwards to return into our evening gowns for the announcement of the winner. You knew what that meant...back into the gown, which I came close to packing it away. Only difference here was I'm not getting back into those tighter-than-fuck baby pink pumps as long as my feet are still sore! That's why I stayed in my flats from my talent thing. At least when you wear a gown like mine or the other contestants, who's going to give a fuck what the hell we're wearing on our feet?
My name gets called to return to the stage in my evening gown to some minor applause, smiling, a little. I'm standing next to Jade Lemonade in the ruby-red sequined gown. Awesome to look at, yes? See the photo at the top if you think I'm lying! I was followed after by Ryan Royale and Farrah to complete the roster. We do look like some incredible-looking queens, don't we? Now, there's some hoopla about the current queen, who was just moments from naming her successor, as it should. She did a very good job being Miss Forest City, however a year can go as fast as a day when you don't pay attention to what's going on in the world today. I felt a little bad one year earlier when she told me about how we met. Let's just say sometimes my mind's not playing with a full deck. It's that kind of personality that I have that would sufficiently warm up to you in time.
Here comes the Moment of Truth...Interview Award, Ryan Royale! To myself, I had thought that was at least one category I could pull an upset. Oh well. Since I didn't see the other three contestants perform, I had to go by the applause. The awards to both talent and evening gowns were split among the other three contestants.. Hmmm, I quickly wondered, you don't think...NO! I couldn't have! Then again, I've had too many dreams over the past year about how this pageant would end. Lord knew there would be trials and tribulations, but nothing like this. To find out how it ended, click below:
https://www.facebook.com/mznita2u/videos/10155722038032467/?t=12
My name gets called to return to the stage in my evening gown to some minor applause, smiling, a little. I'm standing next to Jade Lemonade in the ruby-red sequined gown. Awesome to look at, yes? See the photo at the top if you think I'm lying! I was followed after by Ryan Royale and Farrah to complete the roster. We do look like some incredible-looking queens, don't we? Now, there's some hoopla about the current queen, who was just moments from naming her successor, as it should. She did a very good job being Miss Forest City, however a year can go as fast as a day when you don't pay attention to what's going on in the world today. I felt a little bad one year earlier when she told me about how we met. Let's just say sometimes my mind's not playing with a full deck. It's that kind of personality that I have that would sufficiently warm up to you in time.
Here comes the Moment of Truth...Interview Award, Ryan Royale! To myself, I had thought that was at least one category I could pull an upset. Oh well. Since I didn't see the other three contestants perform, I had to go by the applause. The awards to both talent and evening gowns were split among the other three contestants.. Hmmm, I quickly wondered, you don't think...NO! I couldn't have! Then again, I've had too many dreams over the past year about how this pageant would end. Lord knew there would be trials and tribulations, but nothing like this. To find out how it ended, click below:
https://www.facebook.com/mznita2u/videos/10155722038032467/?t=12
So, there you have it. Don't let this photo here fool you. I wasn't upset at all over Ryan Royale being the new Miss Forest City at all. The look on my face here is very misleading. Some photos were taken, and I went backstage to finally get out of my gown, throw on something more comfortable, packed up my shit and get the fuck outta there. After 20 years, I still looked unprepared for the aftermath. One of the judges hadned me my scores. I briefly looked at them. Moments later, two women approached me and congratulated me for doing my rendition of "This Is Me" for my talent. Yes, it was different than what my now-pageant colleagues chose for their music. "It was inspiring", said one of the ladies. My facial expressions aside, I thanked them for the warm compliments. Back to gathering up all of my makeup, wigs, and especially those damn pink pumps into my duffle bag, and proceeded to walk out downstairs via the stage. I saw Juanita, all decked out in a strapless blue dress, and Gary, another dear friend who on occasion is like Elwood to my Jake, still in the audience. Juanita said that my talent was excellent. She even liked the evening gown I wore. gary agreed. She even texted my performance to our friend/ fellow sister Denise in Orlando, who applauded me for setting this goal to reutrn to the stage and give it my all. The two both tried their best cheering me up, saying that a 20-year goal had actually been accomplished and I had really nothing to be sad about. Words of encourgaement, yes.
Gary and I hugged before heading home. He told me that my talent spoke to him, inspired him. He's a good friend. I packed my stuff into Juanita's minivan and we headed out after bar time out to Denny's near her hotel room, once again reminding me that I despite my last-place finish, I was still great. She, too, was equally tired, only because she drove to Milwaukee, was on her way here when she forgot her favorite dress, drove back to her home near Six Flags Great America to pick it up, and got here around 8:00pm. Enough time to shower, splash on some makeup and head to the show. There we were in a near-capacity Denny's at 2;30 am. Juanita's debating about getting a bite here this late, and I was trying to get the pageant outcome out of my head. We got a table near the kitchen ( I could hear the shouting from there, too), and waited a bit before our food was brought to us. Meanwhile, I started making facebook posts about how I did and how I was feeling at the moment. Juanita upped that and posted several live video feeds from her phone.
Juanita, who's Filipino, by the way, can be as pretty and as much of a wise-ass at the same time...kinda like, ME! She has both a husband and seven little dogs that chher her up when she's blue. However, the same cannot be said for me. While I've never been married (and have no plans to either), my longtime roomate of 19 years has been anything but a confidant. Outside of her, I am a fuckin' recluse. An extreme homebody. After Juanita dropped me off back home and said our goodbyes, I come home to, well, an empty home. I drop my pageant gear, take off my shoes,drooped myself onto the couch, watched about 10 minutes of TV and called it a night.
I spent part of the next morning basically glued to the couch. The exuberant depression from the pageant had kicked in, and it was a monster. Too many facebook rants about how much I spent on the pageant and had nothing to show for it was the main cry at the time. Yeah, my friends that I knew on FB got to see clips of the pageant, leaving me a bunch of comments about how I looked or they enjoyed seeing me compete. It didn't help me get out of the depressive mood I was in. I slept all day Sunday, at times crying to myself. Anything I had planned to do that day was shot to hell. There was no getting me motivated to put my gear back in its place as I slumped over the couch. Not even watching kung-fu movies on the El Rey Network could get me up. My cell rang at least four times; slept through them. I was supposed to have a video conference interview Sunday night...same thing. It...was...BAD!! People still sent me videos with ecouraging messages. I almost became suicidal.
I sent out a FB post Sunday evening thanking those who sent messages of cheering me up after the pageant's aftermath. There I was, once again alone, realizing that I knew I'd have no chance winning the Forest City Pageant in the first place. Somewhere along the way, I believe I was caught up in the pageant hoopla. Too much, too soon, yet forgetting about the real reason why I wanted to run: It wasn't because I was celebrating 20 years as openly trans, nor because I was asked. I ran in the Forest City Pageant...for me.
It's more than self-inspiration, but a self-re-creation. You'd never know unless I told you that I'm actually 47 years of age, yet I may look a decade younger. It's no longer an opportunity to make up for lost time, but to a way to try having fun while still having some time. I never said I couldn't show my stuff at my age! Maybe last weekend told me to stop believing in my limitations.
Gary and I hugged before heading home. He told me that my talent spoke to him, inspired him. He's a good friend. I packed my stuff into Juanita's minivan and we headed out after bar time out to Denny's near her hotel room, once again reminding me that I despite my last-place finish, I was still great. She, too, was equally tired, only because she drove to Milwaukee, was on her way here when she forgot her favorite dress, drove back to her home near Six Flags Great America to pick it up, and got here around 8:00pm. Enough time to shower, splash on some makeup and head to the show. There we were in a near-capacity Denny's at 2;30 am. Juanita's debating about getting a bite here this late, and I was trying to get the pageant outcome out of my head. We got a table near the kitchen ( I could hear the shouting from there, too), and waited a bit before our food was brought to us. Meanwhile, I started making facebook posts about how I did and how I was feeling at the moment. Juanita upped that and posted several live video feeds from her phone.
Juanita, who's Filipino, by the way, can be as pretty and as much of a wise-ass at the same time...kinda like, ME! She has both a husband and seven little dogs that chher her up when she's blue. However, the same cannot be said for me. While I've never been married (and have no plans to either), my longtime roomate of 19 years has been anything but a confidant. Outside of her, I am a fuckin' recluse. An extreme homebody. After Juanita dropped me off back home and said our goodbyes, I come home to, well, an empty home. I drop my pageant gear, take off my shoes,drooped myself onto the couch, watched about 10 minutes of TV and called it a night.
I spent part of the next morning basically glued to the couch. The exuberant depression from the pageant had kicked in, and it was a monster. Too many facebook rants about how much I spent on the pageant and had nothing to show for it was the main cry at the time. Yeah, my friends that I knew on FB got to see clips of the pageant, leaving me a bunch of comments about how I looked or they enjoyed seeing me compete. It didn't help me get out of the depressive mood I was in. I slept all day Sunday, at times crying to myself. Anything I had planned to do that day was shot to hell. There was no getting me motivated to put my gear back in its place as I slumped over the couch. Not even watching kung-fu movies on the El Rey Network could get me up. My cell rang at least four times; slept through them. I was supposed to have a video conference interview Sunday night...same thing. It...was...BAD!! People still sent me videos with ecouraging messages. I almost became suicidal.
I sent out a FB post Sunday evening thanking those who sent messages of cheering me up after the pageant's aftermath. There I was, once again alone, realizing that I knew I'd have no chance winning the Forest City Pageant in the first place. Somewhere along the way, I believe I was caught up in the pageant hoopla. Too much, too soon, yet forgetting about the real reason why I wanted to run: It wasn't because I was celebrating 20 years as openly trans, nor because I was asked. I ran in the Forest City Pageant...for me.
It's more than self-inspiration, but a self-re-creation. You'd never know unless I told you that I'm actually 47 years of age, yet I may look a decade younger. It's no longer an opportunity to make up for lost time, but to a way to try having fun while still having some time. I never said I couldn't show my stuff at my age! Maybe last weekend told me to stop believing in my limitations.
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