#Kayleah20Years

I have noticed that I hadn't posted a blog here since last Christmas. Whoopsie! Then, again, most if not all of my commentaries have been on Facebook for everyone to see. My autobiography, Cocoon2Butterfly, hasn't been worked on in over a year. Not that I didn't want to continue to write about my life, mind you.  Time flies, no matter what you do. 

So, 2018 has been a milestone year already for me. I'm still driving a cab here in town for two years now. It's still a job and it's still helping me bring in money, as long as I can hold onto it before tempting myself into buying something stupid. Mariah and I are still blessed in this house...and on April 11 I officially celebrated 20 YEARS since I first came out as a trans person. What did I do to celebrate, you ask? By watching some NHL playoff hockey and eating some chili. To wash it down, I finally used the white wine chardonnay that I had kept for sentimental reasons following the passing of my friend Judy Williams in 2013. It took me 20 damn minutes just to patch a hole through the damn cork to pour a cup. The seldom bitterness of the chardonnay reminded me why I don't do alcohol well. My Facebook posse congratulated me on the anniversary as I woke up the next day with a bad case of heartburn! I'm going to force myself to get some Maalox or Gas-X when it happens again.

Last summer, my friend Michelle, whom along with Mariah are the two people I've known the longest here in Rockford, asked me something that turned out to be a year-long quest that will conclude this coming August. I was asked to run in the Forest City Pageant, which Michelle personally runs. Now, because of both my obesity and age and financial issues, I basically had no immediate desire to compete. Over the years I had videotaped this annual event at The Office Niteclub, as well as being a judge twice. Between those years I would either stay at home or buy a ticket to show support. Then again, when seeing the performers doing their respective talents or donning their sparkling sequin-laced evening gowns, I had imagined that it was me on stage, in radiant glamour to the T. So I thought about it through the night and made my decision via Facebook the very next morning: I was going to run for the 2018 Forest City Pageant. My mind will have visions of possibly winning the thing, knowing that it has obligations that I have to follow, just like the Miss America Pageant and its controversies. 

As of right now, I have chosen a song that I am going to do for my talent. I feel it will be special that night when I perform this song. That's the easy part. What's a major pain in the ass is my constant procrastinating in getting the ideas for the outfits, shoes, hair pieces...and the dough to get them. You're well aware of my plus-sized body won't make it easier to find the right size for an evening gown that's both eye-catching and glamorous. At least I was able to get a proper measurement from a seamstress at a local resale store here. I'm making them a sponsor. 

Most pageants would have mainly four categories: talent, presentation/interview, evening gown and, of course, swimsuit. That part reminded me of the only other pageant I ran in during Thanksgiving Weekend 1998 back home in Milwaukee. Ah, yes. My drag mom Janice helped me the best she could, including wearing a one-piece swimsuit equipped with extra padding, especially in the mid-section! Add TWO pairs of nude pantyhose and there you go! Believable, yes. On August 11,here in Rockford, the sight of me wearing a swimsuit won't happen. Thank God! Who the fuck wants to see my overstuffed chicken legs? I am confident I can ace the interview process, which is done hours before getting all dolled up. I was a judge TWICE, so I should get the knack of it already. Just needing an outfit to impress. This is where plus-size resale shops can come in real handy! 

To win Forest City, it's always great to have some support in the audience. This can also come from getting some good exposure from the crowd. Several nights ago, I seemingly have gotten some support by competing in a friend's monthly Charm School show. This was also special, for that was the first drag show I've done in well over a decade. (16, to be exact.) I was so busy yakking to myself and the more popular performers about having butterflies in my stomach. Why should I be worried about how I was going to do on stage? Yeah, I've already talked enough shit about my weight problem, and wearing pumps was almost mandatory. I wondered if I could still bring it to the crowd. I posted countless messages on Facebook to come and cheer me on, right up to the moment I hit the stage. Butterflies....heartbeats...showtime! 

I came out on my cue, lip-synching Aretha Franklin's "Pride (A Deeper Love)" to a packed house. No time for butterflies now. I was a little pissed that the DJ forcibly skipped a part of the song, maybe by accident, forcing me to forget the part where I would strip of my jacket to reveal a tank top. While that was going on, I almost forgot that at my size, my performing faster-paced songs get me tired sooner than planned. Wearing some loosely-fitted size 16 pumps weren't helping my feet, but the crowd still applauded my efforts by passing me some dough. I didn't and wasn't concentrating on winning this little show, just to prove to myself that I, aged 47 and weighing over 400 lbs, could still work it.

The encore performance was a surprise. in what's called a "drag roulette" the "students" spin a wheel (on a phone) to see what song each performer would do. The others were doing the more popular, Generation Y songs with incredibly faster beats. My turn! I spun the wheel and it stopped on track #2. I was SO hoping it was at least a song I knew. Three seconds later, I knew the song: "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift! As with Aretha, the song was faster-paced and my ass was still quietly aching from the 1-2 combination of my size and my pumps, so i didn't move as much as I wanted to, and there was A LOT of folks wanted me to come to the back of the audience and get their money. Oh well on that part. Songs like Shake It Off DO make me want to dance...a little, above the waist. It's below the waist that needs to catch up. I can say that after the show there were people enjoyed my return to the stage, though that part about being old school was never mentioned. One person even asked for a selfie! They did mention that I should move around more like the other queen do to make a little more dough. Lessons never stop in the drag world, do they? I've been invited back in June if I like.

One of the people I had invited to the show happened to be one of my fellow sisters that I met from Be-All eight years ago, Juanita. She drove all the way from Lake County just to see me perform. I will say she does look good, knowing she's a person who doesn't even like wearing makeup. It's so nice to see one of my out-of-town sister friends face-to-face again. We spent more time chatting away the humid late spring night after the show in the parking lot across the street as bar time commenced. She even did a quick Facebook video with yours truly in it. What's also great news is that she's coming back to cheer me on (hopefully in a VIP seat near the stage) for Forest City. 

Not everything was great so far this year for me. My ass still on occasion "hits the wall" (dozing) behind the wheel. Thank God He watches me drive at night. My doctor's still are reminding me to lose weight, yet I still partly blow them and their advice off. Getting either a gastric-bypass or lap-band surgery may be the lone options I have if I don't find a way to get my ass in shape. My hometown Bucks still can't find a way to advance into the second round of the playoffs. Oh yeah, the damn state cancelled my stamps and health care because they believed I make to much driving the cab. Dumb shits! I am appealing their verdict, and I know they will reinstate both of them.

Meanwhile, I am simply staring to count my blessings more often. I'm glad that despite me being obese, I am trying to love myself; being thankful that my eyes are still healthy; still having a slightly warped sense of humor. The annual Chicago Pride Parade is coming up in a month. I can't wait!!