Remembering Grandma: 20 Years Later

They say time is a healer. Or maybe a cruel joke. Maybe it's (in my opinion) the only true enemy in this entire world. No matter how you look at it, time is one things that actually never dies. We humans will only be here for so long; time will keep on movin' on. What the purpose of that is an anniversary has apparently passed me up. A sad one at that, too. 

April 1995. I'm still at Dillard University in New Orleans. Got to come see my grandma during the Easter break and work on a class assignment about my family heritage. I spent almost an entire day looking up some info on what kinfolk do I have before my grandparents. Let me tell you something-if I was a white person, this task would be a breeze. Go to the records department at the county clerk's office, there ya go. Doesn't always work that way, especially for black folks like us? When you have grandparents that resided in the pre-Jim Crow South, chances of finding accurate records of your family's namesake, birthplace or even where they are buried can be troubling at best. Living in a rural setting won't help as much, either. I asked my grandmother, Blaine Griffin Hutchins, if she knew any info on the family tree before she married my grandfather, Ben (1900-1990). All she could remember was her maiden name, Griffin. Beyond that, it was a clear mystery. You had to have actually been there to witness this. The information about my mother's side of the family is a bit of a mystery as well. She may have come from either Georgia or South Carolina. Wouldn't be the first person who came up north for a better life.  

Several weeks later I got a call one night from my uncle in Mississippi. The worst news at the time had come in: Grandma had passed away. Her funeral was set for that weekend in Canton,MS, about 20 miles north of the capitol, Jackson. (It's also where the Samuel L. Jackson-Matthew McConaughey film A Time to Kill was filmed. Also starred Sandra Bullock and Kevin Spacey. Check the end credits!) I told my friends that I won't be available for rehearsal for the Voices of Joy Gospel Choir due to the funeral. (Long before my transition, I was Mr. Voices of Joy 1993-94. SERIOUSLY!!) So I made the voyage up from New Orleans to Jackson via Greyhound they day before the funeral. There was my Uncle Edd and Aunt Maggie, my cousins April and my Dion (who just happens to be a minister). The rest of the fam came down from Milwaukee. 

I should mention that I was one of the last Milwaukee-based family members that got to visit my grandma before her passing. This happened during the Easter break from college. She was in her hospital bed, looking very frail and weak from a combination of old age and medication.  She still had a good amount of snow-white hair for her age. I touched her wrinkled hand and kissed it. It was cool to the touch.  Reportedly, she was born on April 1, 1900. I later discovered the year was "corrected" to 1905. Whatever. Grandma's skin pigment was very light, meaning she could almost pass for being white. No wonder that her seven sons (my dad & his six brothers) were of equal skin color, even after marrying my dark-colored granddad! Why I turned out caramel-skinned from my fair-skinned dad and my darker-skinned mom I'll have no idea!

The day of Grandma's funeral had arrived. I was never a fan of these things. My cousins and I got together and chatted about whatever was going on. Little did I know I was coming down with the sniffles from the weather change. Grandma knew a lot of folks, let me tell you. They all filled the tiny Baptist church Maggie and April attend (went there Easter Sunday 1995). This church was about a good mile and change from I-55. I say this because well, Canton is where Edd & Maggie once called home while April was growing up. I swear April disliked me for some reason. Was it my chubby appearance, maybe? Who knows? 

I had a copy of the program. Lost in time now. I'm not sure it would be interesting to mention about me having tears coming out of...my nose...and my eyes. Half the time I tried holding back tears at the funeral and the other half stopping a runny nose! Unlike my friend Judy's memorial service this past January, I kept the tears of sorrow to myself, just like I did at my mom's funeral back in 1979. Trying to prove I was strong, again. 

I can't believe 20 years has passed since being there in small town Mississippi to pay my final respects to my grandmother. Geez, I remember those pan-style biscuits she made every morning for no reason. She used to have a slop bucket to feed the chickens and hogs with. Ugh, and the stench from the pen...WHOO! One summer I noticed she didn't make any biscuits one morning. Guess what she did? Yep, made 'em with that black cast-iron skillet. Must have weighed 10lbs empty. Wore almost nothing but mumuus with pastel colors on it. Fireplace in the living room at times doubled as a garbage can! Light it up and let's see the smoke come out the chimney! I guess coming down from Milwaukee in the summertime to the town of Carthage, MS did have its fun moments. It does get hot there in the summertime, so I stayed by the air conditioner in the living room watching Maggie Wade on WLBT! I hear she's still there! She used to have a Letterman-sized gap in her teeth when I first watched her on TV. Incredible.